november again

 Here we are again. Day one of monk mode november. As you can see I have decided to rebrand it from No Fun November because that makes it sound too much like I am punishing myself for some reason when in all reality, that is not the case.  It is not a punishment.  It is a celebration of my humanity.  It is a testament to the power of my will and my ability to not succumb to my base desires.  It is me saying I am a MAN.  I am not a BEAST.  I am not a slave to my whims, nor to anyone else.  I am my own man and I will do what I will.  It feels good.  It's one of those things sort of like psychedelics that I think everyone should do.  It is good to go for an extended period of time without any sort of altering of your mind.  To keep yourself grounded in reality.  Also! It brings to light a lot of the nasty habits one may have if they have a problem with consuming too much.  I have done this for a couple years now and I've enjoyed it both times (though towards the end I started getting a little antsy to jack it lol). I think last year I said some grandiose thing like "Ah fuck it dude, I'm not gonna jerk off til I have sex again." This was NOT the case, so I really can't say that I have fully succeeded in my "I am my own man and I will do what I will" thing lol.  I jerked it Dec 1 so quick I couldn't believe it.  And it was awesome.  So, I think I'm just going to allow myself to go a little easier on myself.  I am still going to maintain all the usual rules though of course! No alcohol, no weed (obviously), no caffeine (!!), no jerkin' (I may allow myself an exception for if I get an opportunity to have sex tho lol), and I am also trying to reduce my screen time on my phone.  I think these things combined with consistent exercise and meditation will be extraordinarily good for my mental health.  

One thing I have to do though is to remember to not constantly be talking about how I do this every year.  It's a lot cooler if you just do it and someone finds OUT you do it. But also I'm not doing this to be cool so really I shouldn't tell anyone period. But eh, cat's out of the bag now.  Not much I can do now.. Well here we go.  3.75 hrs til I can drive home.  Tired of working here.  Already feeling the desire to hit my weed pen a few times before I drive but I will not do so.  I am strong.  I am a man.  Weakness has no place in me. 

lol you sound like a dweeb enjoy your no fun november

Also this job site I am on is causing an insane amount of stress. The sorter is not working as it should and is causing about a quarter of the boxes that are run through the system to mysteriously fail.  I am currently sitting at a plastic table in front of the sorter with headphones in because every time the sorter stops I can feel eyes on me.  And I get a wave of anxiety wash over me as the noise from the sorter subsides. And I mean, they look as if I am supposed to do something to make it work properly.  Which, if I were in their positions, I would as well.  It's annoying.  They have to do extra work because the sorter is not sorting! And I am the only person here that is a representative from my company.  The other mechanical/controls person that was here earlier left for the day a couple hrs ago and it's just been me here.  People usually don't talk to me because they know I am software but a lot of people don't know and come up to me expecting me to explain why things are going wrong but I cannot! And it makes me feel so stupid and hopeless! I want to help because we've sold them a machine that does NOT work like it should! And I am the only representative! They are MAD! And I am HERE! They are not YELLING at me but every time something goes wrong I know they're secretly calling me an asshole in my head.  I wish I could help but I am useless.  And I have to stay here for another 2 hrs........... ugh.  This is rough.  I want to go home and... sleep.  That's it.  Really would like to smoke some weed and sleep but I'll settle for the sleep.  I am a man.