I do my work and I do it fairly well. I've been getting into leather working. I made him a journal cover that he carries around with him everywhere now. I made him a wallet and a bracelet too. I've been trying to keep myself fit and active in the gym but I only did cardio twice last week. Still, it's better than nothing.
I've all but stopped drinking. I only drink maybe once per month. I smoke weed occasionally but I rarely find myself fried. And whenever I do, I find it to be unfun. Being more clear headed feels nice. I feel like I have settled into a life I am finally content with. I no longer really do music with people but sometimes I feel like the music was just an excuse to get together and drink too much and smoke too much and feel faded. I still play piano sometimes. I never did learn that Chopin Etude.. I feel like I should finish that someday. Maybe someday I suppose.. but I don't really think I'm getting that much better.
My leatherwork is improving though and I feel like I'm really beginning to enjoy that type of work. Do I want to do it for a living someday selling leather goods to people? Maybe. It'd be cool to get to a point where I can make really high quality leather goods and maybe work on commission .. but I think I have a long, long way to go if I want to rock and roll (in that respect). Maybe someday. I feel like I finally have dreams for the future again. I have fallen out of the endless cycle of being depressed and abusing substances to feel fine and then temporarily distracting myself from that sadness until I can ignore it again. That was not a fun way to live and I am happy to be out of that.
I feel a bit sad for my friends and former bandmates though. I feel as though they are still stuck in the cycle of substance abuse and suffering. They're both in really strange relationship situations and I think they both need to take some time off from alcohol and weed and just breathe in the air and live life. They need to go on a big hike and give up something they rely on. My man told one of them the other day that he doesn't understand why he stays in the relationship with the person he's with. I'm so proud of him for saying what he thinks. He's so strong and I feel like he just never had the confidence to really express it. They're both seemingly miserable and I think they both could use a fresh start with some new people. Or just alone. I know one of them can't do ANYTHING alone and they really need to be pushed out of their comfort zone a bit. And the bandmate really should just spend some time alone. His last love cheated on him and married/became pregnant by the guy she cheated with.. and I think he got into this relationship directly afterward to help himself feel less empty and alone.
Both bandmates try to solve their problems with chemicals and it doesn't always work. Idk. Who am I to judge.
I will stay in my lane with my man and we will build a life together. I never want to let him go and I want everything I do to be for him to be happier and live the best life he possibly can. I have never been more in love in my life and I doubt I ever will be again.
I'm finally happy.
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