"eh I knew what I was doing, don't be disingenuous because you feel bad about it" - future me

I'm a homewrecker now. I met a girl while out on a pub crawl this past weekend who was in town for a couple days. Jenn.


The pub crawl itself was a clusterfuck. It was a "onesie bar crawl" event on facebook. In order to get some drink specials you had to pay 15 bucks for a wrist band and then we were supposed to go to a different bar every couple hours. Unfortunately there were really only two people working the event and only one of the bars had even agreed to host the amount of people in onesies. There really were no other drink specials either but whatever. 15 bucks down the drain. I'm not furious.


I only bring this up because it was relevant to our meeting. When we were about to leave the first bar for the second (Gardellas) the two workers announced that the next bar we were going to was not to be open for another two hours, so my group and a few others decided to ditch the large group and go to Z's. Went there, drank some drinks, ate some chicken wings and in she walked.


She sat down near us because she was curious why a bunch of people in onesies were sitting around getting wasted at the bar. A couple other people decided to take it upon themselves to let them know how single and interesting I am as I was shoving spicy wings into my gullet. She ended up coming and sitting next to me and telling me about how the guy she was in town visiting (she's from Minnesota) ended up ditching her in her hotel leaving her alone in a town where she knew no one. So we as a group adopted her and she joined our party. We went to a few other bars and got progressively more drunk as the night went on even getting to a point where we swapped clothing. She took my onesie and I took her cardigan. It was pretty funny at the time. We all had a laugh.


Ended up going to the BOB and finished the night there. Everyone was tired so we all went our separate ways.. I ended up going back to her room.. Once we got there we did hotel room things and ended up getting a pizza. As I'm sitting there on the bed eating a slice I see her phone vibrating on the end table next to me..


Ben❤️


I said.. what..?


Who's that?


Ok so I want to be honest.. he's my boyfriend.


Turns out they've been a couple for years.


As a man who has been cheated on.. ouch. As a human with a need for affection who's been on a year+ dry spell? Idk what to think. Anyway we ate the pizza. We kissed for a while longer and I .. fell asleep.


So in the end.. she came here to have an affair with a guy who got cold feet.. then she met me. And decided to have an affair with me instead. And here I am now. Sitting here feeling terrible because of what I did. My friends say it's not my problem or my responsibility but it's difficult to just abstract this into something that doesn't matter. Do I want to contact the dude and ruin possibly both of their lives? No. Do I feel the need to do SOMETHING? Absolutely. But what? Should I just forget this and mark it down as the last big mistake of my 20's or what? It really isn't my problem and stuff like this happens all the time it's just.. I feel guilty. But I don't think that guilt is gonna go anywhere.


She's tried to contact me a couple times but I've basically just given her short replies and am kind of implying I don't think we should talk anymore.. hopefully she gets it and admits what she did and they can move on but I just don't have the emotional capacity to keep giving a shit about it.


Something good finally happens and rather than a silver lining there's a shit crust lining on the inside of this cumulonimbus so it's just raining shit water down.